Saturday, March 28, 2009

this is why you shut the fuck up

so it seems like once a year around april i get arrested for doing something stupid. this time it was disturbing the peace for mouthing off to the guy running the drunk tank in down town san diego. i got put there for trying to beat up some chick while arguing with my friend about her friend while wasted on a whiskey binge. the moral of the story is dont question a guy who has authoritative dominion of the police on his side.

i figured today was a good day to start a blog because being in jail this last time was enough of a sobering experience to understand that i do in fact have a problem with drinking. today is the first day of the rest of my life, i'm sick and tired of fucking up my relationships with the people i love because of my caustic and costly lifestyle. its all fun and games until some one gets hurt. no more drugs, no more drinking until i fuck up. i've hurt myself in the process, and i'm finally starting to understand that i am not indestructable. my knee is getting better, my job is going well, i have awesome friends. i was given a second chance in life, i dont want to loose it. i'm trying to not be the person i was 3 years ago or even a year ago and especially not the person i was 5 months ago. i deserve to treat myself better and the people around me deserve to be treated better aswell. it would be nice to stop preaching about how much others need to change and make the change i want in life from myself because others can only react to a situation. anything i want in life must be done by myself. my distain for those others' reactions should be disreguarded because its only a reaction to the underlying problem, my actions. an apology means nothing if all you do is use it as an excuse. i want to thank sarah, you've been my saving grace so many times, you're a good friend. i've been a coplete dick to you, i'm truly sorry.

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