i wrote this last week....

considering recent events i think that its strange i wrote this when i did; i found it today when i was clearing out my desktop... i hadn't even remembered writing it until just now. i thought it was pretty cool, i was probably sleep deprived or buzzed when i wrote it who knows....

there had been a time for me, somewhere in between sleep and self realization, where i lost the best chance i had at understanding. spending the last few days trying to understand where it all figures in and where i figure not only into my own life, but into the lives of others. i have long supported the notion that our own lives are only as private as the warmth we want from a nother person's arms. some days im so cold i can hardly feel my hands and feet. my hands being so far from my heart and often the only and closest thing to reach another person's. i've always felt like i was completely alone in the world standing next to the people i've felt the closest to and i suppose thats what it is to be human. i want to crawl inside your skin just so our souls can lay intertwined side by side and we can look each other in the eye of our minds and wonder where we are. theres nothing in life as satisfying as the dissatisfaction of uncertainty. i hunger for it all and the universe has starved me from the very objective of my desires. i've encountered set backs. i've been set back to back with myself, the soft thump of our hair reaching one anthers skull as we simultaneously share shoulder blades, staring up at the heavens. tethered by fear our fear that we'll never be able to stand as one again. imprisoned in duality; i lunge, i retract. i jump, i fall. i yell but i'm silent. my screams and shouts live in solitude vaulted far beyond the grasp from anthers' icy fingers.